Sunday, October 14, 2007

Al Gore is like Yasser Arafat

Fox News get sniffy over Al Gore winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

"I would have thought people like the United States Airforce or the Marine Corp who bring about peace in this world, or Ronald Reagan who was denied it over Mikhail Gorbachev should win..."



Or how about "General David Petraeus as a representative of GI Joe?"

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Military Working on Cyborg Spy Moths

Sorry I haven't been updating for a while, been really busy and preoccupied. That said, I couldn't let this one slip past:

The newest weapon against terrorists? Moths. Spy moths. Genetically altered spy moths. With cameras. That can be controlled remotely. Remote controlled, genetically altered, camera implanted spy moths. Brought to you by the good people at Fox News.

Click here for the future.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Pressure Grows on Paul Wolfowitz

The executive board of the World Bank has said it did not approve a hefty pay rise ordered by its president Paul Wolfowitz for his partner.

It's always good news when one of these bastards starts to fall, but I wish he could be fired for being an architect of the Project for the New American Century and key sculptor of foreign policy than just siphering off funds to help his girlfriend.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Chocolate Jesus

I know this is a silly story, but watch the YouTube clip below to see the President of the Catholic League behaving like a 5 year old, and seemingly threatening the artist with a beheading...



"One of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities EVER!"

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Harry Potter in Guantanamo Bay

Harry Potter is a favourite read of the illegally held prisoners in the worlds most infamous secret prison, reports Yahoo News.

I mean. What? Come on. Are you serious? One of the most contentious legal issues of modern day and we're being desensitised to it by hearing about the prisoners reading habits. There may be a library, but I doubt they get much time to read what with all the beatings, indimidation, sleep deprevation and torture methods used on a daily basis.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Key 9/11 suspect 'admits guilt'



Far be it from me to cast doubt over a secret trial behind closed doors in the worlds most notorious illegal prison, but it seems amazing to me that, far from the eyes of the worlds media (and, one might say, witnesses) the US appears to have found the man responsible for every terrorist attack. Ever.

"I was responsible for the 9/11 operation, from A to Z," said Khalid Sheikh Mohammed in a partial transcript from a closed-door hearing.

He also plotted to attack Big Ben, Heathrow, Canary Wharf, Israel, the Panama Canal, Library Tower Los Angeles, Sears Tower Chicago and the Empire State Building, as well as planned to assassinate the Pope and Bill Clinton. He also confessed to being Osama Bin Ladens right hand man, as well as being responsible for 9/11, the Bali bombings, a Kenyan bombing, the World Trade Center in 1993 and even being the mastermind behind the failed shoe bomber Richard Reid.

This may be true. I don't know. He might be very guilty indeed. I have no way of knowing. Then again, neither does anybody else. Including the media. All we know is what the US government have told us... and forgive me for struggling with the concept that in secret detention and in an illegal trial, without a judge or jury, this man has willingly confessed to every loose end and unfinished investigation. "Here's the bad guy, folks, and it turns out he did it all. And he confessed, but we can't possibly let you hear that confession because it might release sensitive information - like how we probably tortured and cohersed him into confessing in the first place."

Job done. Bad guy found. America prevails. And we didn't even have to understand the issues. Aren't confessions great?

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Viacom Sues You Tube blah blah blah

I just think it's really sad that the people in charge in of these huge, monolithic companies are so shortsighted and so stupid. Suing Google for over $1b for copyright infringement. I mean, what kind of anally retentive, foresight lacking, buttoned down, moronic prick fuck accountant is in charge of the worlds biggest entertainment company? What genius made that decision? "Yeah, lets try to cut off the greatest ever promotional tool for our products, let's sue the people who are giving us billions in free advertising and let's present ourselves as cash obsessed lawyers to our potential audience of 70m a month."

These people own everything; Paramount, MTV, Comedy Central, CBS, Simon & Schuster, Blockbuster etc, and they utterly fail to realise what they have before them. You Tube has changed the world, and instead of capitalising on their business methods or expanding into a new market they are throwing their dummy out the pram and complaining like scared little children. Do they honestly think that because I can't find that clip of Boy George in the A-Team I'm going to go and buy the DVD? Do they see every video clip on You Tube as another potential sale, another lost consumer who could be willingly paying the exorbitant prices for media held hostage?

Maybe they're just pissed off that they should be having a turnover of $11b this year, instead of the usual $10b. Or maybe they're pissed off that they've failed to instigate, understand or capitalise on the You Tube model. It could be that they hate the idea of the audience choosing the direction of their industry or, horror of horrors, having some control of what they choose to watch. Or maybe, just maybe, they're a bunch of half-dead businessmen who couldn't give a flying fuck about the audience, about culture, about art or about entertainment and only care about the bottom line... and if some child dares to put a video clip of their favourite singer on a website well then they're gonna sue them for a hundred million billion dollars.

I believe the Ham Fisted Theatrics blog said it best:
"Dude, all the Prince Super Bowl clips have been taken down off of YouTube at the behest of Universal Music and it's the dumbest thing I can think of.

It's nothing but a free commercial for Prince, a Universal Music recording artist. Why wouldn't you want thousands of kids watching that video, going, "Holy shit...Prince is the TRUTH!" and then going out and getting his greatest hits? Do you really think the money is in that eleven minute clip of Prince? You were not going to capitalize on that eleven-minute clip. A person watching that clip was not one less paying customer. A person watching that clip was one more potential Prince fan.

People really oughta think twice before yanking their product away from willing eyeballs and earholes.

People really oughta think twice before fronting on Prince."

The Ham Fisted Theatrics blog, by the way, is written by DC Pierson who is a member of very funny comedy troup called Derrick. have a look at their You Tube page - before Viacom sue them for being better than some stuff on Comedy Central.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Nearly Famous

Violent Arrest Sparks Race Row Fury

I walk past Niche nightclub almost everyday on my way to and from work. I've passed it when it's been open and closed, had guarded BMWs outside it, had wreaths hanging for the two managers killed on duty, had the doors open with jungle pounding out and when it's been courdned off with police tape. I think I might have even played there once.

I know nothing about what happened the night of the violent race row fury, but if that place gets shut down again I'll be a really happy man.

Spearchucker Jones

Cameron sacks frontbench Tory after slur on ethnic minority forces

This is the story of Tory MP Patrick Mercer who made a few ill-advised comments about race relations within the armed forces, and found himself resigning a few hours later. This is always going to be a tricksy subject, especially when you're a white middle class MP suggesting that use of the word 'nigger' is not always racist, and I completely understand how and why he resigned so quickly...

This is an excerpt of his statement:
"I had five company sergeant majors who were all black. They were without exception UK-born, Nottingham-born men who were English - as English as you and me... They prospered inside my regiment, but if you'd said to them: 'Have you ever been called a nigger?' they would have said: 'Yes'. But equally, a chap with red hair, for example, would also get a hard time - a far harder time than a black man, in fact. But that's the way it is in the Army. If someone is slow on the assault course, you'd get people shouting: 'Come on you fat bastard, come on you ginger bastard, come on you black bastard'."

Now, I may be completely wrong on this, but that doesn't sound like a racist man to me. He may very well be ignorant, or naive, or completely unaware of the world we inhabit, but to me that sounds like a man talking honestly about a subject and being misunderstood. I have no authority to comment on racism within the army, and it is entirely possible that Patrick Mercer's interpretation of events is wildly different to that of his troops, but I think he is legitimately claiming that not all derogatory comments about race are racist in nature.

I think of my friends, and those of them who are different to me. Those of them who are of a different race, gender, sexual preference, religion, height, hair colour, musical taste, nationality, weight and financial success - all our noticable variations are used in positive and negative ways as subjects of derision, and of admiration, and of humour. How close I am to somebody is directly proportional to how directly we can insult each other. It's an acknowledgment of knowing the other person well enough to see through their stereotype, be that of a different race, gender, sexual preference, religion, height, hair colour... etc.

Please don't misunderstand me. Not for a second am I suggesting that being called 'nigger' is all 'one big old laff' to black people, because that's blatantly not the case, and there is still a terrifying amount of discrimination within the military, and the world in general. However I would dare to suggest that not all cases of racial mention within a close-knit group of people are racially motivated. That's what I think Patrick Mercer was trying to say. He just made the mistake of saying it out loud in a society where any attempts to talk honestly about race are immediately leapt upon as discriminatory.

Admittedly, he did also say this:
"I came across a lot of ethnic minority soldiers who were idle and useless, but who used racism as cover for their misdemeanours. I remember one guy from St Anne's (Nottingham) who was constantly absent and who had a lot of girlfriends. When he came back one day I asked him why, and he would say: 'I was racially abused'. And we'd say: 'No you weren't, you were off with your girlfriends again'."
which is slightly harder to justify.

We live in a very complicated world. The differences between people are exaggerated and poured over while we all try as hard as possible not to see them. I can't claim to know anything about the validity of Patrick Mercers comments, and as a white male I'm hardly in any position to talk about racism, but I am worried about how quickly he was leapt upon and dismissed. We seem so fearful to talk honestly about race in this country and whether what Mercer said was right or wrong, it really should have been discussed, not silenced.

More on the story here.

By the way, Spearchucker Jones is a character played by Fred Williamson in MASH. So named because of his direct throw while playing American Football.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Second Life Goes Political

This is one of those stories that no matter how many times you read it, you still can't quite grasp A) how utterly bizarre it really is and B) quite how much this represents the decline of Western civilisation.

From the Guardian Unlimited website: Minister upsets Italians

"Italians seeking respite in cyberspace from the surreal world of Italian politics are fighting plans by a minister to build a campaign headquarters in the virtual reality community Second Life."

Basically, an Italian minister bought an island on Second Life to get up a virtual headquarters, and he is being blocked by people who don't want him there. The really interesting thing about this article is the last paragraph;

"The virtual campaign office created by US presidential candidate John Edwards was reportedly vandalised on February 26, while shots were fired in January as anti-racist avatars besieged the virtual offices of Jean Marie le Pen, the French rightwing politician."

Ok, read that again. Anti-racist avatars besieging virtual offices. The Metaverse has now come of age, a make believe world has become real, the future has arrived. I don't know whether to be terrified or to celebrate the social, political and technological advances that this could bring. I think it's the former.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Emo Threatens Nations Youth!

Straight from the Suicide Girls Newswire:

"According to a local news report in Grand Forks, North Dakota, "emo" is the next youth movement to corrupt the sensibilities of American teenagers, replacing goth culture as the number one enemy of parents everywhere. Yes, that's right; My Chemical Romance is just as, if not more dangerous than Elvis shaking his hips on television, violent movies and even Marilyn Manson.

The story focuses on the 'cutting' phenomenon, but links all manner of dangerous anti-social behavior to wearing tight clothing, hanging out in your bedroom and making mixtapes. Best of all, humorous sites like the Insta-Emo Kit are taken seriously and local youth are interviewed, revealing that teenage angst is shockingly alive and well. What would Kurt Cobain think???

Don't worry, though; the town sheriff knows what's happening and is on the case investigating the infamous "emo scale," which kids everywhere use to evaluate each other's emo-ness; the reporter points out that if you've attempted suicide, you "hit the jackpot." It's times like these that The Onion appears to be a viable news source. Enjoy."


Fox Just Can't Congratulate Gore

You'd have thought that after receiving a standing ovation, having his film win several Oscars and being granted an audience of billions Fox would report on Al Gore and An Inconvenient Truth's success at the Oscars. No way. The only story they've run on their website since the Academy Awards is this one about Al Gore's house using too much electricty.

If you don't say it, it ain't so.

200 Year Sentence for Child Pornography Fan

Yes. Definately. Child pornographers are amongst the worst of the worst. No question. A 200 year sentence does seem unneccessarily harsh though.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Hilarity ensues

Here's a clip from Fox's new satirical news show, 'the 1/2 Hour News Hour' - their attempt to do a rightwing version of the Daily Show. It's painfully unfunny.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Fox News Blasphemy Challenge

Have just got back from holiday and wanted to go to bed, but then I found this and had to post it. Opinions?

Friday, January 19, 2007

Respect to O'Reilly?

The 2 great minds meet. Twice. O'Reilly vs Colbert.


Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Sutherland Burns Bauer

From the Suicide Girls News Wire.

Landmark TV drama 24 is popping up everywhere lately: billboards, bus stops, pop-up windows, bathroom stall advertisements...

And now, after last weekend's two-night, sixth-season premiere, one can expect Kiefer Sutherland and Co. to launch a multi-media advertising assault that'll leave you exhausted years after Jack Bauer rescues America (again). But perhaps the most enjoyable news about 24 circulating the Web involves the long-lost, Jack Bauer action figure from McFarlane Toys that fell off the radar for unknown reasons. Well, it seems Sutherland came clean and admitted to accidentally setting the mini-Kiefer protoype ablaze during a night of drunken celebration.

Sutherland explains, "They tried to come out with one a couple of years ago and they had sent me the doll for my approval... We took the doll out for a night to have some fun and we'd had some drinks. We sat it on the corner of the table. "We started torturing him around 11 o'clock at night, and, by two o'clock in the morning, we had set him on fire in the parking lot. "We got up the next day and there was just this puddle of wax. His clothes didn't burn, which I thought was pretty cool... and then I got a call the next day saying, 'Did you like the doll?' I said, 'Yeah, it was great.' And they said, 'Well, OK, good, you gotta send it back to us because that was the prototype... It took that guy a year to make it.' "I said, 'Well, let me look for it, I think I left it in the trailer.' This went on for about a week and then I had to just kinda come clean."


A clone of the original toy can be expected on shelves this August.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Spain's PM admits Eta 'mistake'

Spain's prime minister says he made a "clear mistake" by being too optimistic about the prospect of peace talks with the Basque separatist group Eta.

Full story at BBC News.

I'm just happy to hear a world leader admitting they made a mistake. It makes such a change from the usual denials, rewriting of history, moving of goalposts and out and out lying they usually come up with.

Speaking of denials, rewriting of history, moving of goalposts and out and out lying I also applaud the efforts of "130 international charities, churches and NGOs (that) have written to the prime minister to demand he re-open the Serious Fraud Office investigation into the UK's arms deals with Saudi Arabia."

Full story on the Guardian News Blog.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Rice denies US 'escalating Iraq'

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has denied that the US intends to escalate the war in Iraq by confronting Iranian groups operating there.

Full story at BBC News.

I've been trying for weeks now to find the words to explain my opinion on the whole 'Iran is country with nuclear weapons who are helping terrorists' argument and I've brought it down to this simple statement: "I don't believe a word of this bullshit."

Top Ten WORST Domain Names

From Shoutwire.

1. A site called ‘Who Represents‘ where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company… www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church . Their website is
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe ? Try their brochure website at
www.gotahoe.com

Monday, January 08, 2007

Bush, Blair worse than Saddam, says Malaysia ex-PM

PUTRAJAYA, Malaysia (Reuters) - President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair are war criminals with more Iraqi blood on their hands than Saddam Hussein, former Malaysian premier Mahathir Mohamad said on Monday.

Full story at Reuteurs.

"He (Bush) should resign straight away and be tried by the same kangaroo court," Mahathir told a news conference called to promote a peace conference he is hosting in Malaysia next month."

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Colosseum lit over death penalty

Rome has lit up the arches of the Colosseum to highlight Italy's support for a global ban on the death penalty.

Good for them.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Saddam Kills Americans from Beyond the Grave

"HOUSTON — Police and family members said a 10-year-old boy who died by hanging himself from a bunk bed was apparently mimicking the execution of former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein."

Full story at Fox News.

It's probably a good job he died, after all he's probably the sort of person who'd grow up to rape someone after watching Irreversible or going on a killing spree after playing Grand Theft Auto.

Idiots. Fox that is, not the kid.